Spirituality and Being Burned

Here I sit 17 years after my burn injury. Having some time to look back at the experience allows some reflections. I never dreamed I could endure an injury such as this one, an injury that changes your body in such a drastically physical way. There is so much I am grateful for in my life because of the burn. How can something that caused such intense pain, both physically and emotionally ever be looked at as a catalyst for good? Because of my burn injury I became aware of what I am - and what I am not. I'm certainly not just what I look like, my worth is not defined by an outward appearance. Not that I thought of myself as a "judge the book by its cover" sort of person before I got burned, I just never realized the extent to which I probably was -- to myself in some sort of fundamental way. My facial scars forced me to accept that I could not rely on looks for anything to define me. I didn't feel like I relied on my looks prior to getting burned, in fact, I never considered myself particularly good looking. I think I was used to seeing a certain face look back at me in the mirror, and now that face was gone.

The attitude or perspective with which you look at anything changes your perception of it. My burned allowed a re-defining of myself, a re-framing that has continued over the years ever since. I'm not sure its any different from someone who hasn't been burned re-framing their life to see things from a new perspective, but in a very real way, the burn opened that opportunity up for me. I believe this adherence to reality by really paying attention to what is going on right now opens up life for us all. Life happens right now. For all the worry and hard work, there really isn't all that much we can do about a lot of the stuff that occupies our anxiety. We can do what is next -- and that's pretty much all we can do.

Intense pain and fear brought me to a more real place in my soul. The littlest details of life became all important: being able to feed myself, go to the bathroom, wrestle with children, pet a dog, walk, drive... Your life is made up of small things. Being able to breath well and walk are two things I try and think about now, 17 years later. I have no pain left from the burn. I do have residual stiffness and contractions, but no pain. My scars are normal to my children who have never known me without them. In fact, most of the people I interact with have never known me without scars. They say they don't even see them once they get to know me.

Like I said, I'm grateful for many things stemming from the burn: my family, my career, my new beautiful grafted skin that protects me, and for all the love that so many people have shown me. I couldn't be a luckier person.